Reckoner on effects of alcohol & remedies!!!

Symptom Root Cause Cure
Cold and humid feet. Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet). Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.
The wall facing you is full of lights. You're lying on the floor. Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
The floor looks blurry. You're looking through an empty glass. Quickly refill with your favorite drink!
The floor is moving. You're being dragged away. At least ask where they're taking you!
You hear echoes every time someone speaks. You have your glass on your ear. Stop making a fool of yourself!
Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny. You're in the wrong house. Ask if they can point you to your house.
The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive. You're in an ambulance. Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

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call centre conversation....laugh

Have a good laugh... call centre conversations !!!!!
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Customer: 'I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared. '

Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not??'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

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laugh......laugh......laugh

I could not stop laughing and hope you would also like to smile…….enjoy.

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon , we have copies of
everything."


============ ========= ========= ========= =====

2
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

============ ========= ========= ========= ====

3
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bar man, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"

The bar man says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

============ ========= ========= ========= =====
4

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

============ ========= ========= ========= =====
5
A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".

The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:

"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"

The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog

Read more...

laugh......laugh......laugh

I could not stop laughing and hope you would also like to smile…….enjoy.

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon , we have copies of
everything."


============ ========= ========= ========= =====

2
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my
condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

============ ========= ========= ========= ====

3
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bar man, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"

The bar man says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

============ ========= ========= ========= =====
4

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

============ ========= ========= ========= =====
5
A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".

The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:

"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"

The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog

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insanity test

Old one...nevertheless a good exercise!!

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?
















Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say "milk" five times. Now spell "milk"
What do cows drink?
















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks , what is a green house made from?















Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the heck are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?


















Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on . In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?














Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

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